You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
