he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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