dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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