she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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