I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
