nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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