i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
