Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
