I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
