Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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