thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We need to get me chipped asap
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
