I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
