I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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