somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
