chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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