I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
