Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
