I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
