Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
