Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
