He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
