things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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