Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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