I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
