I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
