i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
