I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
