To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
