I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
