and you said cock pushups were impossible
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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