A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Help. Why am I so naked?
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