I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
