anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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