dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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