There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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