Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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