well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
