Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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