Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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