omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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