I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
