I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There r osticjed everywhere
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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