Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
