i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
