can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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