i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
