I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
