i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
