Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
