Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My cat gives me a boner
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
