They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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