In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
