he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
