His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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