i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
