I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
