I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
