you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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