She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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