i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
