There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm getting married
To pizza
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
