dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
