hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
