Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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