we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
