I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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