I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
