Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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