chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
