Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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