This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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