Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
