he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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