you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize