Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
