Kiss
Puke
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
