i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
