im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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